


What If I Said

by Bitrektual



Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-04 23:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitrektual/pseuds/Bitrektual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo was prepared to give his life to protect Thorin, and after the hug Bilbo and Thorin try to sort out their thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What If I Said

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song What If I Said by Steve Warnier & Anita Cochran. The chorus was mostly what led me to title the story, and the lyrics of said chorus are offered below.
> 
> What if I told you, what if I said  
> that I loved you.  
> How would you feel,  
> What would you think,  
> What would we do?  
> Do we dare cross that line  
> Between your heart and mine,  
> Or would I lose a friend  
> Or find a love that would never end?  
> What if I said...

Bilbo was sitting quietly at the fire, warming his toes as he contemplated the past events. Was it really so long ago that he'd been safe and comfortable in his warm hobbit-hole? Safe from adventure, from danger, with his only worries being about what he was going to have for dinner. And now... Now he'd run in front of a warg-riding Orc swinging a sword he didn't even really know how to use.

He's been rained on and lost sleep, nearly been eaten by Trolls and killed by Orcs, flown on giant Eagles and seen Elves and sights and things that most Hobbits could never even dream of! And did he regret it? No... He'd had a chance to turn around, and he hadn't.

But that was hardly the main thing on his mind at the moment. What was on his mind was Thorin. Thorin Oakenshield, the King without a crown. There had been nothing at first except apprehension, for the words of being burned alive by a dragon had hardly been comforting, nor had been Bofur's words which he assumed were supposed to be comfort and had instead led the Hobbit to faint from the extreme stress and shock. As time had gone on, however, the uncomfortable feelings had turned to curiosity and amazement at all he had seen, and then slowly interest in the company.

Thorin was quiet and stern and seemed to have little humor in his thoughts, but underneath that Bilbo could sense the care and concern he had for the Company. While he could be a little rash when it came to his own well-being, Bilbo could tell that he wanted the others safe.

Perhaps that was what had driven Bilbo to such a rash decision himself. He had always prided himself to considering things carefully before going through with them, but upon seeing Thorin lying still and unconscious, Bilbo had suddenly forgotten himself and thrust himself in front of the Dwarf's form, swinging his blade wildly at the approaching beast.

When all had been said and done Thorin had confessed that he'd been wrong about Bilbo and even offered the Hobbit a hug. Not a polite hug, not a quick hug. It had been a warm, safe heartfelt hug. And with it were deepened the feelings that had been stirring in his heart, that he tried to brush off as silly or imaginary. But now he couldn't any longer.

This posed a new problem, however, for he was fairly certain that Thorin did not share his feelings. Not in the way that Bilbo seemed to have them for the Dwarf. Oh bebother this whole thing! Why had he even...

Bilbo was suddenly startled from his thoughts as someone wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and settled down next to him before the fire. Glancing over, he was surprised to see that it was Thorin. What was he doing awake, he ought to have been resting!

"Thorin, you ought to be in bed," he chided softly, speaking quietly so as to avoid waking the rest of the company. Thorin shot him an amused sideways glance.

"Last I checked you were not my mother," he replied, idly picking up a couple twigs from the ground to snap in pieces in his hands before tossing them into the crackling flames. Bilbo lowered his gaze slightly, staring into the fire.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant... you're hurt, you should be resting..." he corrected himself, not wanting the Dwarf to be angry. But Thorin chuckled lightly and gave the Hobbit a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"I was simply jesting, Bilbo," Thorin offered quickly, realizing that Bilbo had taken him seriously and wanting to mend the misunderstanding before it started. "I cannot sleep, the ground is too hard and I am more comfortable sitting up," he added in explanation, taking up a better stick this time to poke at the coals in the flames.

Bilbo glanced up and smiled, watching as Thorin played with the fire idly. He supposed he couldn't complain, for the company was quite enjoyable. Except blast the butterflies in his stomach as he looked at the young Prince. And blast the desire to hear him speak again.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, instantly wondering why he'd asked that of all things. He'd been bitten and tossed by a Warg, how did Bilbo suppose he was feeling? Stupid, stupid!

"I'm a bit sore, but I've seen worse. I'll survive," Thorin responded, not seeming fazed by the question as Bilbo mentally kicked himself. Looking back over to his flustered company, he tilted his head curiously. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking concerned for a moment, and Bilbo couldn't fathom why. He wasn't the one who'd nearly been killed.

"I'm quite alright," he responded, tugging the blanket a bit tighter and inching closer to the fire. Then he looked up curiously at the concerned Dwarf and meekly added, "Why...?"

"You scared me..."

Bilbo looked surprised, his gaze turning inquisitive, and Thorin continued.

"That stunt you pulled with Azog... you could have been killed."

Now whose turn was it to feel like they were being scolded by their mother? Bilbo crossed his arms stiffly and shrugged.

"He would have killed you, I had to do something..." he mumbled, but couldn't continue as he suddenly found himself pulled into another unexpected hug. He couldn't even begin to try and resist as his arms wrapped clumsily around Thorin's frame, awkwardly patting his back. Thorin finally pulled back again and looked at Bilbo with concern and worry in his eyes.

"Don't ever scare me like that again..." he said, and Bilbo swallowed the lump in his throat at the tone of Thorin's voice. Perhaps it was this sudden show of care that drove Bilbo to say the words he never would have otherwise. He could plead temporary insanity, perhaps.

"I love you."

Thorin's eyes clouded with confusion as the words left the Hobbit's lips, and Bilbo immediately wanted to take them back as his heart nearly stopped in the anticipation of Thorin's response.

"What?" Thorin's initial reaction was expected, perhaps. He felt as though he had heard Bilbo wrong, and the Hobbit looked a bit tortured as he slowly repeated the words, knowing that there was no way he could make forgotten the words he had aid.

"I... I love you. I don't know where the feelings came from or why, I just... I just know that they are there and I cannot squash them," Bilbo explained, nearly losing his voice as he spoke. Terror clutched at his heart as he quickly looked into the fire, not wanting to see Thorin's face. He waited for the Dwarf's response, but none came and the silence finally drove him to glance over again.

Thorin was staring into the fire and in his eyes Bilbo could see the thoughts whirling. The silence and torture and Bilbo would have almost preferred for Thorin to shun him immediately rather than make him wait. Finally Bilbo could not bear it anymore and quickly spoke, wanting this matter to be settled once and for all.

"Well, are you going to say something?" he asked, a bit more harshly than he'd meant to, but Thorin simply glanced at him calmly, his confusion mixed with a sort of thoughtfulness.

"I don't know what to say yet."

"Why?" Bilbo's answer was quick as his brow wrinkled in confusion and fluster. Thorin's answer came as gently as the last one, and for this Bilbo was grateful. He could not bear to think of Thorin being angry or disgusted with him.

"Because I've never thought about it before."

"And now?"

"And now I'm thinking about it."

Well, this hadn't gone at all like he'd expected, but if the confused Hobbit had expected anymore then he was sorely disappointed as Thorin stood up.

"You would do well to get some rest, Bilbo. We'll stay here another day to give the Company time to recover, but then we shall be moving on," he said, and moved carefully back to his bedroll, for his body still ached from the prior day's attack. Bilbo sighed and looked back into the fire, trying to sort out his thoughts as he pondered on Thorin's words. He hadn't thought about it before. And now he was. Whatever did that mean?


	2. Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day, Thorin seems open to the idea of exploring a relationship with Bilbo, though both are a bit hesitant and nervous as they try to determine exactly where their feelings will lead them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be the first to admit that music is my muse. The song I was listening to while writing this chapter was Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not by Thompson Square.
> 
> Are you gonna kiss me or not?  
> Are we gonna do this or what?  
> I think you know I like you a lot,  
> But you're about to miss your shot.  
> Are you gonna kiss me or not?

Morning came with Bilbo still sitting up at the fire. The flames had died down and all there was now were red and orange glowing coals, but it was no longer needed as the sun was rising and would soon offer all the warmth they would need for the day. Sleep had not come to him, and instead he had kept watch, sending Kili back to sleep when the young Dwarf had woken to take his watch. Spending the better part of the night thinking about the events of that night, Bilbo was beginning to feel more curious and frustrated than frightened after Thorin's unexpected response.

When the company awoke Bilbo finally pulled himself out of his thoughts and rose up to help take care of the camp. After their run from the Wargs most of them were still fairly tired, but Bilbo needed something to do to distract him, so he moved about to help gather food and supplies.

Well into the afternoon Thorin hadn't said to word to him, and Bilbo tried not to over think it as he moved to the stream to fill the water skins.

Kneeling at the water's edge, Bilbo found a clean area and worked at dipping in the water skins and filling them to their brim. The air was quiet and his thoughts were distracted, so when Thorin approached and dropped down a couple more skins at his side the poor Hobbit nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Oh, goodness. You startled me, Thorin!" Bilbo exclaimed, rubbing his hand tenderly against his heart as it beat rapidly within his chest.

"My apologies," Thorin responded, kneeling down by the creek with Bilbo as he took up one of the skins and dipped it into the water. Bilbo watched quietly, wondering if Thorin wanted to talk or if he was merely helping with the tasks. His bruises were looking better, but Bilbo could tell Thorin was still sore.

The short answer drew Bilbo to silence as he took another skin and dipped it in. When they were all filled Dwarf and Hobbit returned to the company and parted ways, taking up different tasks.

"What's wrong with you, Bilbo?" Bilbo was startled out of his thoughts as Fili approached, grinning cheerfully as he tossed down a deer that Kili had shot down and then knelt beside it to begin skinning.

Shrugging, Bilbo watched as Fili used his sharp hunting knife to pull the skin from the deer and then begin cutting the meat into cookable slices.

"Hope you like venison," Fili teased with a grin. Deer and rabbits were plentiful here, but deer were easier to shoot than the quick footed rabbits. Fili cut the skin out and then laid it aside as a sort of tray to place the meat slices on so they wouldn't get dirty. Helping where he could, Bilbo took the meat as Fili cut it and set it aside out of the way.

"Have you ever been in love, Fili?" Bilbo asked suddenly, glancing up at Thorin's eldest nephew. Fili glanced up in surprise and raised an inquisitive brow.

"Odd question, why do you ask?" he replied, giving Bilbo an interested look and held a maturity that had seemed uncharacteristic for the impish dwarf. Kili was much younger and still held a youthful energy, but Bilbo could see that despite his immature antics Fili was well on his way to becoming an adult.

"Nevermind," he mused quietly, feeling foolish for posing such a question on the much younger Dwarf. Fili paused in his cutting to shoot Bilbo a concerned look, but the Hobbit offered a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure the others are hungry, we should get this finished up and brought to them so it can be cooked," Bilbo added, trying to distract the Dwarf from the topic and Fili seemed satisfied to comply as he shrugged and dug his knife into the carcass once more.

The day wore on and Fili and Bilbo finished with the deer, bringing the meat to the campfire and beginning to set it up for a decent meal. The other Dwarves gathered around, and Bilbo glanced around curiously as he looked for Gandalf. The Wizard was gone again, however, and Bilbo sighed as he wondered where Gandalf had gone off to this time.

The day was slowly drifting into afternoon as the scent of cooking deer soon filled the air, and Bilbo had finally been able to let his thoughts drift off and he found himself laughing and talking with the Dwarves as the meat cooked and they waited to be able to eat.

"Bilbo, will you come here for a moment?" Thorin's gruff voice broke through the chatter and Bilbo glanced over, suddenly feeling nervous again as the serious Dwarf waited expectantly. Feeling a bit meek, Bilbo moved over quietly. "I need some help with some firewood," Thorin added when Bilbo finally approached, and the pair made their way through the forest.

They reached a gentle clearing by the stream and Thorin started to picked up some braches and bits of wood. Feeling confused but a bit more relaxed, Bilbo quickly aided as he started picking up some firewood as well.

"About last night," Thorin suddenly continued, however, and Bilbo swallowed nervously. Here it came. "How long have you had these feelings?" Bilbo blinked in surprise. Okay, this was different. The Hobbit watched Thorin inquisitively and shrugged.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I just... I just looked at you one day and saw you differently," he confessed, just as bewildered by his emotions as Thorin seemed to be. Thorin contemplated this answer quietly, picking up a couple more branches. Deciding it was as good a time as any, Bilbo continued the conversation cautiously. "Last-last night you, you said you were thinking about it..." Bilbo said hesitently, and Thorin looked up at him.

Leaning against a nearby tree, Thorin glanced down at the branches in his arms, seeming deep in thought as Bilbo waited in suspense.

"I think," Thorin finally said before pausing a moment, as if to gather his thoughts and figure out what he was going to say, and Bilbo tensed in anticipation. "I'm not sure what I feel, but I am willing to explore these feelings." he finally said and Bilbo let out a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding.

"What?" he asked, as if sure he had heard Thorin wrong. The Dwarf chuckled lightly, dropping the firewood and dusting himself off as he looked over at Bilbo.

"I'd never had cause to think of having feelings for you, but after you mentioned it I thought about it, and it does not seem like such an impossible thing anymore..."

Bilbo stared in amazement, unsure of what his emotions were doing. He felt shocked, relieved, and frightened all at once. Had he truly heard Thorin correctly? The proud Dwarf was willing to consider such a thing with a Hobbit? With Bilbo?

Thorin chuckled and motioned Bilbo closer. Bilbo hesitently complied, coming closer to stand near Thorin. The Dwarf took the firewood from the Hobbits arms and dropped them into the pile before taking the Hobbit's chin in his hand.

"They will be expecting us back soon, but..." Thorin swallowed, seeming somewhat nervous for the first time. "I wanted to try something," he said cautiously, and Bilbo watch him closely, his stomach fluttering at Thorin's touch.

"W-what?" he asked nervously, and Thorin smiled.

"This."

Thorin leaned forward slowly, and though Bilbo had never kissed anyone before, he tried to react by leaning in as well, their lips coming together in a hesitent first kiss. Bilbo's heart leaped in his chest at the contact, and his eyes fluttered shut slightly as Thorin cupped his cheek with his free hand and deepened the kiss, counting on instinct to lead him before they finally pulled apart. It was then that Bilbo realized he'd panicked and failed to return the kiss as Thorin raised a brow at him.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" he asked teasingly, and Bilbo swallowed the lump in his throat before mentally kicking himself and leaning in again to fix the situation by pressing his lips against Thorin's in another kiss, this one returned by the Dwarf.

After a moment they pulled back again, both feeling quite breathless after this one, and both smiling lightly at the rush in their heads. Bilbo was feeling quite happy, and Thorin's smile matched his. Finally, Thorin bent down and picked up an armful of firewood again.

"We'd best be getting back before they miss us," he mused, and Bilbo nodded distractedly as he quickly gathered up the rest of the firewood into his arms and they comfortably made their way back to camp.


	3. All You Need Is Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't keep secrets forever, especially not from a group as close-knit as the Dwarves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but I finally worked this chapter out and it'll probably be the last unless I get a brainstorm. Hope you enjoy.

A couple of weeks had passed as Bilbo and Thorin slowly explored their newfound feelings. Quiet, hidden kisses had turned into experimental touching and it soon became clear that these feelings were bound for something greater. Sooner or later someone would have to be told.

It was on a carefully scheduled scouting mission that Bilbo and Thorin sat quietly under the shade of a tree, snuggled close as they listened to the sounds of a nearby stream. They had yet to go beyond tender kisses and explorative fondling, but both were quite content with this for the time being.

"Thorin?"

The dwarven heir glanced down at the Hobbit nestled snugly in his arms who returned the look with an inquisitive gaze.

"Are we going to tell them?" he asked, his fingers trailing softly up along Thorin's chest over the tunic he wore. Thorin didn't answer immediately as he looked back up and out through the forest. It was obviously a question that took some thinking, and initially Bilbo assumed the worst. "If... if you don't want to, if you're embarassed..."

Thorin quickly quieted these fears by taking Bilbo's chin suddenly in his hands and turning the paranoid Hobbit's face toward him.

"Don't think that. Don't ever think that," he replied firmly, his voice stern with no room for argument. "I never knew love until that night by the fire, and I can assure you I am not embarrassed. I simply..." he paused a moment before continuing, "I simply do not know yet how to proceed."

This made sense, Bilbo supposed. It had only been a couple of weeks, after all. And it was a bit of a sudden and unusual development. Bilbo smiled and rested his head on Thorin's chest, hugging close to him as he enjoyed the steady warmth of the day and the comfort of Thorin's arms around him.

The day passed into evening around them, and their blissful state caused them to be unaware as new loves often did. They did not hear the softly approaching footfalls or immediately notice the shadow that fell over them in the shade.

"Well, this is a curious sight," a gentle voice said, and Bilbo and Thorin nearly jumped out of their skins as they scrambled to their feet and turned to face Balin, the gentle silver haired Dwarf of the company. Both looked rather sheepish as they glanced between each other, but Balin chuckled softly. "Fear not, laddies, for if it's secrecy you're after, I can hold a secret better than any," he reassured them, though with a note of something more in his eye.

"Thank you, friend," Thorin replied, and Balin smiled kindly.

"But would I be steppin' over my boundaries if I were to make a suggestion?" Balin asked, and when Thorin and Bilbo glanced up curiously he felt safe continuing. "Tell the company, lad. I take it you're worried about their reactions, but I reckon they'll be more accepting, even if a bit surprised, than you give them credit for." he advised, and Thorin contemplated this quietly. Giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder, Balin shrugged.

"'Course, you're quite free to do as you like, but that's my suggestion as well as this," Thorin glanced up. "I came to search you out because it's near dinner time and the Company is gettin' a mite concerned." Thorin glanced surprised at the sky and nodded.

"Thank you, I suppose the time had gotten away from us..." he mused, and Balin chuckled before turning and heading back to the camp.

Later that evening the Company were seated comfortably around the fire enjoying some of Bilbo's cooking, for if there was one thing Hobbits were good at, it was making a good meal. Nori and Dori finished first and soon had their flutes out to play a relaxing tune as the others finished. Thorin and Bilbo were seated comfortably next to each other, but as Thorin had been the last to accept a bowl of soup nobody found this strange as Bilbo had settled down with his after serving it out. As the meal drew to a close, Thorin rose to his feet and the group glanced at him curiously.

"I have something to say," he said, somewhat hesitantly at first, but Balin offered him a comforting smile as he continued as he looked about at the puzzled Dwarves. Nori and Dori had immediately stopped their playing, and the sudden silence was almost nerve wracking as Thorin felt his heart flutter in his chest. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I'm sure some of the more observant of the company have noticed Bilbo and I spending a bit of time together, and whether or not any of you have questioned this, I am ready to explain it all."

The Dwarves looked around, some looked puzzled, others looked curious. Bilbo shifted nervously, almost afraid to look up and see the reactions of the Dwarves and Gandalf as Thorin spoke his next words.

"Bilbo and I have discovered feelings for each other, and though we've kept it a bit quiet here in the last few weeks, it's obvious that they are not going away, so... there yeh go." He nodded and settled back down before the fire and glanced at Bilbo with a smile. Smiling was the last thing the panicked Hobbit felt like doing, but he gave a weak one back and the pair waited for the reactions.

Nori and Dori were quite silent, seeming unsure what to think, but Ori piped up immediately with a big grin.

"Well, that's brilliant!" he exclaimed, chuckling as he glanced around at the rest of the company, seeming to pull them out of their stupor with his cheerful agreeable nature. Bifur was quick to follow with a steady couple of thumps to his chest and a firm nod, his expression showing obvious agreement with Ori's statement. Bombur seemed a bit confused and unsure of what to say, so he reached for the pot of soup and poured himself another bowl while Bofur smiled gently.

"Well, that's quite nice. I wish the both of you much happiness," he said, and Thorin smiled appreciatively to the comment and the others, relaxing with each show of approval or acceptance. Óin seemed to have missed the whole thing, but upon seeing everyone else acting happy he nodded and returned to a conversation he'd been having with Glóin who was equally silent and didn't appear to know what to think yet, an uncharacteristic thing for the usually highly opinionated Dwarf.

Dwalin didn't seem surprised, and Thorin suspected Balin had already discussed this with his brother, and whether or not Dwalin approved was hard to tell, though he hadn't spoken out against it yet, which seemed to Thorin to be a good sign.

All these various reactions happened within moment, and the first words of shock came from Kili.

"Wait, what?" he asked, and Thorin glanced at his nephew. "What do you mean feelings?" Fili rolled his eyes and jabbed his brother in the ribs with his elbow.

"Real smooth, Kili. What do you think he means?" he said, though his expression showed an equal amount of shock and surprise. Obviously neither of them had expected this from their uncle, and Kili settled back to contemplate this.

"Well, I... I hope you two are happy," Kili finally said hesitantly, still trying to sort this out in his mind.

Thorin smiled and glanced around at the group.

"I thank you all for your openness to this situation, those all who accept and to all who are still mulling it over," he said, and the Dwarves nodded. Gandalf had remained silent, but this had not surprised Thorin and he assumed if the Wizard had any qualms about it then he would have spoken up, or he would be hearing about it later. "I can assure you, it is still a new thing to Bilbo and I as well, as we are working our way through it, but it had to be said to all so I wouldn't feel I was keeping secrets."

With this all done and the Company seeming relatively accepting of this news, Nori and Dori returned to playing their flutes and lulled the group back into a comfortable calm to relax their recently startled minds.


End file.
